People with herpes should wear stickers.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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