Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
