She's JV to your varsity
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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