That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
