I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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