Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
