Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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