You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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