I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
