Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
