ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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