that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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