as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
