She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
