i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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