I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
