it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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