Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Alive.
So much puke
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
