i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
