just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
