I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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