To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
