I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He better not be in your backpack
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
