You made me cry and you don't even care
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
