were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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