Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
