Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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