So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
