Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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