His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
