how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
