Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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