Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
