There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
