What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
