barbara walters just said penis...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
