How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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