so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
