I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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