He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
