New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My penis needs a shock collar
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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