he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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