There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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