we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
