dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
