I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
