my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
whose parrot is this?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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