If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
