see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
