piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
